How To Be Assertive When You Suffer from Social Anxiety Disorder

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Being asked to do favours and to help people out is just a part of everyday life. Whilst being able to decline requests if they’re too inconvenient isn’t a problem for most, if you’re socially anxious then being able to say ‘No’ is fraught with hazards. The trick is knowing how to be fair to yourself in assessing whether to do the favour, and then being assertive in how you respond.

Being assertive is simply being able to voice your own opinions and feelings firmly so that they’re considered fairly by other people. If you suffer from social anxiety then this can be easier said then done because of the fear of displeasing people and being rejected if you don’t fulfil their demands.

Rather than risk being viewed negatively as selfish or unhelpful, you can feel forced into saying ‘Yes’ even when you think a request is an unreasonable drain on your time and energy.

Avoid the unhelpful extremes of passivity or aggression

The problem with being too passive and always fitting in with what others want is that some people will take advantage of your desire to ‘always be nice’ and will simply heap greater demands on you. This in turn will lead to you getting mad with yourself because you’ll feel that you’re constantly running around at other people’s beck and call.

The other extreme is to respond aggressively to unreasonable demands in the false notion that anger equates to strength. When you’re behaving aggressively you lose the ability to think or act rationally, making it even harder to express why you think the request is unfair.

Raising your voice and trying to be intimidating can also have the reverse effect of making other people become aggressive themselves, and the situation deteriorate into the sort of ugly confrontation you’d normally be desperate to avoid.

Relying on anger to protect yourself against unreasonable demands is not how to make friends or influence people.

Assertiveness is about being balanced

As with overcoming many of the problems associated with social anxiety, being assertive is all about being balanced in your thinking and behaviour, and staying away from the extremes of passivity or aggression.

Whether you’re asked to cover for someone at work, lend people money or run errands for them, when people make demands you need to objectively assess the fairness of the request being made. Your feelings, opinions and time are just as important as everybody else’s, so you need to consider whether the requests being made of you are fair. Would you feel comfortable asking someone else to do the same thing?

If after assessing the request and you think it’s unreasonable, because of a high personal cost in terms of time and energy, then in order to be fair to yourself you have to be able to say ‘No’. As long as you’re fair and objective, saying ‘No’ doesn’t mean your selfish or uncaring.

However, actually being able to say ‘No’ presents many challenges in itself. I’ll be offering advice on developing assertiveness skills so people accept your decision in my next article.

Being assertive isn’t about winning, but about getting your point across and ensuring your own opinions and feelings are considered fairly, because they’re just as important as everybody else’s.

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Originally posted 2008-05-05 18:17:15. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

How To Be Assertive When You Suffer from Social Anxiety Disorder is a post from: Social Anxiety Disorder Self Help Strategies. Overcome Social Phobia For Good

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What Causes Social Anxiety Disorder, Panic and Fear of Strangers?

If you suffer from social anxiety then the fear of what people think can sometimes be overwhelming. Simple activities like walking into a crowded room or sitting near a group of strangers can be enough to set off your alarm bells and cause you to panic. Because you’re convinced people are judging you and talking about you. In the worst case scenario you might hear someone laugh, which of course you think is aimed at you.

If this sounds familiar then you’re not alone. Literally millions of people around the world suffer from social anxiety and panic in uncomfortable situations. It’s estimated that 10% will suffer social anxiety at some stage in their life.

Why do I suffer anxiety and fear of strangers?

There are believed to be a few reasons why you might have developed social anxiety and the fear of people you don’t know. The main causes are believed to be rooted in your childhood: growing up with anxious or overly critical parents; or bullied or neglected as a child.

The low self esteem these experiences can cause can mean that you’re always looking to win the approval of others. This in turn makes you feel anxious because you’re constantly worrying about what people think and whether they’ll reject you.

Can social anxiety be overcome?

Social anxiety is believed to be the third most common psychiatric disorder, after depression and alcoholism, and in recent years extensive studies have been conducted into its causes and effects. With a diagnosis comes treatment, and thousands of people have learned to overcome their anxiety and panic through a combination of:

• cognitive behavioural therapy (which teaches you how to replace your uncomfortable thoughts with more helpful ways of thinking)


• exercise


• relaxation techniques


• being more active


• medication (a magic bullet doesn’t exist for social anxiety. But a doctor can prescribe drugs that will take the edge off your sense of panic in social situations to help you change the way you think and behave and overcome your anxiety in the long term)

There’s an abundance of information to help you pacify your panic

When I’ve (finally) finished my Overcoming Social Anxiety eBook it will provide an overview of cognitive behavioural therapy and practical exercises you can use to gradually change the way you think and behave. And there’s already a wealth of information available in books and on the web to help you understand what social anxiety is and what strategies you can use to overcome its symptoms.

A particularly useful site (directed to by Ileana at the Beating Social Anxiety blog) is about.com’s Social Anxiety Disorder site. There’s plenty of informative articles on here to get you started in understanding your condition, and to help you realise that you’re not alone in experiencing panic in social situations.

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Originally posted 2008-07-24 13:43:37. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

What Causes Social Anxiety Disorder, Panic and Fear of Strangers? is a post from: Social Anxiety Disorder Self Help Strategies. Overcome Social Phobia For Good

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Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Social Anxiety Disorder. Does it work?

In treating Social Anxiety Disorders, research shows that therapy is the most effective option. It is because therapy in Anxiety Disorders does treat the root symptoms of the problem rather than papering over the cracks when relying on anti-anxiety medication alone. Various studies have proven that one of the best therapies for treating social anxiety disorder is through Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).

What is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy?

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a combination of various methods, strategies and techniques that has proven its effectiveness in the past. They used this approach to help people successfully overcome their particular emotional problems. CBT aims to address the negative patterns and distortions on the way we look at the world and ourselves.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy has two main components:

Cognitive Therapy

It evaluates how our negative thoughts, or cognitions, contribute to anxiety. This basically means that it is our thoughts and not our outer environment affects the way we feel. It is our own perception of how things would eventually turn out that makes us either excited, neutral, happy, sad or anxious even the event has not yet taken place.

Behavioral Therapy

It examines how you behave and react in situations that trigger anxiety. This is however the opposite of cognitive therapy. In this scenario the event has already happened and your behavior is measured on how you react to the incident that took place. For example if you have done an embarrassing thing to the party that you attended, did you left with anger, were you sad, embarrassed or did you just took it lightly and shrugged it off as if nothing happened?

As a person who have been dealing with social anxiety disorder for a long time. I admit to have this sort of negative perceptions whenever I am anticipating a social gathering. There was a time that I was invited to my high school reunion. I was happy at first thought of seeing my high school classmates again after 10 years. But I eventually chicken out because of insecurity and I felt I haven’t accomplished that much compared to them. What if nobody would care to talk or what if someone remember my embarrassing moments in high school. I just couldn’t stand all those negative thoughts, so I did not show up at the end.

Improvement from cognitive behavioural therapy requires practice, patience and persistence

Cognitive restructuring or learning to think rationally is an essential component of cognitive therapy for social anxiety disorder. However you cannot automatically shut off those negative thoughts in your head once you decide to turn it off. It doesn’t work that way, it requires a step by step process to achieve a rational and realistic thinking.

According to Thomas A. Richards, Ph.d., Psychologist at The Social Anxiety Institute, both the cognitive and behavioral therapy must be thorough and comprehensive for the successful treatment of social anxiety. Of course it would not be accomplished if not coupled with persistence, consistency and motivation, says Richards.

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Study finds that jogging in parks twice as good as the gym for reducing social anxiety and mild depression

If you suffer from social anxiety then the idea of jogging around a park might seem daunting. But I’ve always highly recommended that regular exercise should be a key component of your strategy to overcoming social anxiety. It gets you out of the house and regular exercise of at least 30 minutes every day will release endorphins, which are the body’s natural feel good chemicals that can banish the negative thoughts driving your social anxiety in the first place.

And it appears that doctors would tend to agree with me. A Glasgow University survey found that jogging around a park is twice as effective at improving your mental health and sense of well being then exercising in a gym. After all, who wants to spend 30 minutes looking at the wall or watching MTV when you can be enjoying the visual sounds and smells of mother nature.

You can read more about the survey in this article in the Daily Telegraph, which also goes on to explain how exercise is recommended for treating symptoms like mild depression, insomnia, high stress and just anxious feelings that you arent able to cope.

I believe that starting to exercise every day was one of the vital keys to how I overcame social anxiety. I started off jogging and now go trekking (or bouldering to be exact), rock climbing, play football and go to the gym. So dont be afraid of starting off your exercise routine small and then building it up as you go along your path towards overcoming social anxiety for good.

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Originally posted 2012-06-20 18:04:58. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

Study finds that jogging in parks twice as good as the gym for reducing social anxiety and mild depression is a post from: Social Anxiety Disorder Self Help Strategies. Overcome Social Phobia For Good

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Smiling Better than Prozac for Overcoming Depression and Social Anxiety Disorder

[Photo courtesy of Ferdinand Reus]

Since embarking on my voyage into understanding what causes social anxiety disorder and its effects rarely a week passes without hearing news on how it can be treated. From everything I’ve heard I believe that popping ‘happy pills’, such as Prozac, on their own are not the answer. Drugs can help cushion some of social anxiety and depression’s harsher symptoms, but you have to change the way you think and behave for long term recovery.

In the UK’s national news today the findings of research by Professor Jane Plant and Janet Stephenson (National Health Service psychologist) were announced, which are described in their new book: ‘Beating Stress, Anxiety and Depression’.

With 2.4 million Brits estimated to suffer from anxiety and one in six expected to experience depression at some stage, the two experts’ constructive suggestions, based on scientific evidence, have been well received.

Their advice is to change your diet, behaviour and appearance to improve your self esteem and sense of well being. Relying on a prescription from the doctor alone to solve your problem is not the answer (although a visit is always recommended on your road to recovery).

Their suggestions include:

• Smile – even if you feel the weight of anxiety pushing down on you, at least appearing happier and more approachable will improve how people respond to you. This in turn can help lift your mood and improve how you interact with others.


• Eat fish packed with omega-3 fatty acids for breakfast and porridge at night to help you sleep.


• Make lifestyle changes to be more active such as going out dancing (any form of regular exercise is highly recommended if not essential)


• Treat yourself to a new hairstyle or clothes to improve your self confidence (I’d suggest this is more of a temporary measure and relying on ‘retail therapy’ to improve your mood poses its own risks)


• Avoid living a materialistic lifestyle or getting sucked into celebrity culture – everybody has their strengths and weaknesses and you shouldn’t regard touched up images and glamorised lifestyles as a yardstick for valuing yourself as a human being.

I think any book that uses scientific evidence to show that you need to change the way you think and behave in order to overcome depression and social anxiety disorder is a welcome addition to any bookshelf.

You might have to find your own path to a happier, more fulfilling life, but there’s are plenty of helpful information on the web and on bookstore shelves to help you find the way.

Originally posted 2008-07-28 13:21:45. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

Smiling Better than Prozac for Overcoming Depression and Social Anxiety Disorder is a post from: Social Anxiety Disorder Self Help Strategies. Overcome Social Phobia For Good

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