How To Be Assertive When You Suffer from Social Anxiety Disorder

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Being asked to do favours and to help people out is just a part of everyday life. Whilst being able to decline requests if they’re too inconvenient isn’t a problem for most, if you’re socially anxious then being able to say ‘No’ is fraught with hazards. The trick is knowing how to be fair to yourself in assessing whether to do the favour, and then being assertive in how you respond.

Being assertive is simply being able to voice your own opinions and feelings firmly so that they’re considered fairly by other people. If you suffer from social anxiety then this can be easier said then done because of the fear of displeasing people and being rejected if you don’t fulfil their demands.

Rather than risk being viewed negatively as selfish or unhelpful, you can feel forced into saying ‘Yes’ even when you think a request is an unreasonable drain on your time and energy.

Avoid the unhelpful extremes of passivity or aggression

The problem with being too passive and always fitting in with what others want is that some people will take advantage of your desire to ‘always be nice’ and will simply heap greater demands on you. This in turn will lead to you getting mad with yourself because you’ll feel that you’re constantly running around at other people’s beck and call.

The other extreme is to respond aggressively to unreasonable demands in the false notion that anger equates to strength. When you’re behaving aggressively you lose the ability to think or act rationally, making it even harder to express why you think the request is unfair.

Raising your voice and trying to be intimidating can also have the reverse effect of making other people become aggressive themselves, and the situation deteriorate into the sort of ugly confrontation you’d normally be desperate to avoid.

Relying on anger to protect yourself against unreasonable demands is not how to make friends or influence people.

Assertiveness is about being balanced

As with overcoming many of the problems associated with social anxiety, being assertive is all about being balanced in your thinking and behaviour, and staying away from the extremes of passivity or aggression.

Whether you’re asked to cover for someone at work, lend people money or run errands for them, when people make demands you need to objectively assess the fairness of the request being made. Your feelings, opinions and time are just as important as everybody else’s, so you need to consider whether the requests being made of you are fair. Would you feel comfortable asking someone else to do the same thing?

If after assessing the request and you think it’s unreasonable, because of a high personal cost in terms of time and energy, then in order to be fair to yourself you have to be able to say ‘No’. As long as you’re fair and objective, saying ‘No’ doesn’t mean your selfish or uncaring.

However, actually being able to say ‘No’ presents many challenges in itself. I’ll be offering advice on developing assertiveness skills so people accept your decision in my next article.

Being assertive isn’t about winning, but about getting your point across and ensuring your own opinions and feelings are considered fairly, because they’re just as important as everybody else’s.

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Originally posted 2008-05-05 18:17:15. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

How To Be Assertive When You Suffer from Social Anxiety Disorder is a post from: Social Anxiety Disorder Self Help Strategies. Overcome Social Phobia For Good

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What Causes Social Anxiety Disorder, Panic and Fear of Strangers?

If you suffer from social anxiety then the fear of what people think can sometimes be overwhelming. Simple activities like walking into a crowded room or sitting near a group of strangers can be enough to set off your alarm bells and cause you to panic. Because you’re convinced people are judging you and talking about you. In the worst case scenario you might hear someone laugh, which of course you think is aimed at you.

If this sounds familiar then you’re not alone. Literally millions of people around the world suffer from social anxiety and panic in uncomfortable situations. It’s estimated that 10% will suffer social anxiety at some stage in their life.

Why do I suffer anxiety and fear of strangers?

There are believed to be a few reasons why you might have developed social anxiety and the fear of people you don’t know. The main causes are believed to be rooted in your childhood: growing up with anxious or overly critical parents; or bullied or neglected as a child.

The low self esteem these experiences can cause can mean that you’re always looking to win the approval of others. This in turn makes you feel anxious because you’re constantly worrying about what people think and whether they’ll reject you.

Can social anxiety be overcome?

Social anxiety is believed to be the third most common psychiatric disorder, after depression and alcoholism, and in recent years extensive studies have been conducted into its causes and effects. With a diagnosis comes treatment, and thousands of people have learned to overcome their anxiety and panic through a combination of:

• cognitive behavioural therapy (which teaches you how to replace your uncomfortable thoughts with more helpful ways of thinking)


• exercise


• relaxation techniques


• being more active


• medication (a magic bullet doesn’t exist for social anxiety. But a doctor can prescribe drugs that will take the edge off your sense of panic in social situations to help you change the way you think and behave and overcome your anxiety in the long term)

There’s an abundance of information to help you pacify your panic

When I’ve (finally) finished my Overcoming Social Anxiety eBook it will provide an overview of cognitive behavioural therapy and practical exercises you can use to gradually change the way you think and behave. And there’s already a wealth of information available in books and on the web to help you understand what social anxiety is and what strategies you can use to overcome its symptoms.

A particularly useful site (directed to by Ileana at the Beating Social Anxiety blog) is about.com’s Social Anxiety Disorder site. There’s plenty of informative articles on here to get you started in understanding your condition, and to help you realise that you’re not alone in experiencing panic in social situations.

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Originally posted 2008-07-24 13:43:37. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

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Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Social Anxiety Disorder. Does it work?

In treating Social Anxiety Disorders, research shows that therapy is the most effective option. It is because therapy in Anxiety Disorders does treat the root symptoms of the problem rather than papering over the cracks when relying on anti-anxiety medication alone. Various studies have proven that one of the best therapies for treating social anxiety disorder is through Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).

What is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy?

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a combination of various methods, strategies and techniques that has proven its effectiveness in the past. They used this approach to help people successfully overcome their particular emotional problems. CBT aims to address the negative patterns and distortions on the way we look at the world and ourselves.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy has two main components:

Cognitive Therapy

It evaluates how our negative thoughts, or cognitions, contribute to anxiety. This basically means that it is our thoughts and not our outer environment affects the way we feel. It is our own perception of how things would eventually turn out that makes us either excited, neutral, happy, sad or anxious even the event has not yet taken place.

Behavioral Therapy

It examines how you behave and react in situations that trigger anxiety. This is however the opposite of cognitive therapy. In this scenario the event has already happened and your behavior is measured on how you react to the incident that took place. For example if you have done an embarrassing thing to the party that you attended, did you left with anger, were you sad, embarrassed or did you just took it lightly and shrugged it off as if nothing happened?

As a person who have been dealing with social anxiety disorder for a long time. I admit to have this sort of negative perceptions whenever I am anticipating a social gathering. There was a time that I was invited to my high school reunion. I was happy at first thought of seeing my high school classmates again after 10 years. But I eventually chicken out because of insecurity and I felt I haven’t accomplished that much compared to them. What if nobody would care to talk or what if someone remember my embarrassing moments in high school. I just couldn’t stand all those negative thoughts, so I did not show up at the end.

Improvement from cognitive behavioural therapy requires practice, patience and persistence

Cognitive restructuring or learning to think rationally is an essential component of cognitive therapy for social anxiety disorder. However you cannot automatically shut off those negative thoughts in your head once you decide to turn it off. It doesn’t work that way, it requires a step by step process to achieve a rational and realistic thinking.

According to Thomas A. Richards, Ph.d., Psychologist at The Social Anxiety Institute, both the cognitive and behavioral therapy must be thorough and comprehensive for the successful treatment of social anxiety. Of course it would not be accomplished if not coupled with persistence, consistency and motivation, says Richards.

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Study finds that jogging in parks twice as good as the gym for reducing social anxiety and mild depression

If you suffer from social anxiety then the idea of jogging around a park might seem daunting. But I’ve always highly recommended that regular exercise should be a key component of your strategy to overcoming social anxiety. It gets you out of the house and regular exercise of at least 30 minutes every day will release endorphins, which are the body’s natural feel good chemicals that can banish the negative thoughts driving your social anxiety in the first place.

And it appears that doctors would tend to agree with me. A Glasgow University survey found that jogging around a park is twice as effective at improving your mental health and sense of well being then exercising in a gym. After all, who wants to spend 30 minutes looking at the wall or watching MTV when you can be enjoying the visual sounds and smells of mother nature.

You can read more about the survey in this article in the Daily Telegraph, which also goes on to explain how exercise is recommended for treating symptoms like mild depression, insomnia, high stress and just anxious feelings that you arent able to cope.

I believe that starting to exercise every day was one of the vital keys to how I overcame social anxiety. I started off jogging and now go trekking (or bouldering to be exact), rock climbing, play football and go to the gym. So dont be afraid of starting off your exercise routine small and then building it up as you go along your path towards overcoming social anxiety for good.

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Originally posted 2012-06-20 18:04:58. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

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Smiling Better than Prozac for Overcoming Depression and Social Anxiety Disorder

[Photo courtesy of Ferdinand Reus]

Since embarking on my voyage into understanding what causes social anxiety disorder and its effects rarely a week passes without hearing news on how it can be treated. From everything I’ve heard I believe that popping ‘happy pills’, such as Prozac, on their own are not the answer. Drugs can help cushion some of social anxiety and depression’s harsher symptoms, but you have to change the way you think and behave for long term recovery.

In the UK’s national news today the findings of research by Professor Jane Plant and Janet Stephenson (National Health Service psychologist) were announced, which are described in their new book: ‘Beating Stress, Anxiety and Depression’.

With 2.4 million Brits estimated to suffer from anxiety and one in six expected to experience depression at some stage, the two experts’ constructive suggestions, based on scientific evidence, have been well received.

Their advice is to change your diet, behaviour and appearance to improve your self esteem and sense of well being. Relying on a prescription from the doctor alone to solve your problem is not the answer (although a visit is always recommended on your road to recovery).

Their suggestions include:

• Smile – even if you feel the weight of anxiety pushing down on you, at least appearing happier and more approachable will improve how people respond to you. This in turn can help lift your mood and improve how you interact with others.


• Eat fish packed with omega-3 fatty acids for breakfast and porridge at night to help you sleep.


• Make lifestyle changes to be more active such as going out dancing (any form of regular exercise is highly recommended if not essential)


• Treat yourself to a new hairstyle or clothes to improve your self confidence (I’d suggest this is more of a temporary measure and relying on ‘retail therapy’ to improve your mood poses its own risks)


• Avoid living a materialistic lifestyle or getting sucked into celebrity culture – everybody has their strengths and weaknesses and you shouldn’t regard touched up images and glamorised lifestyles as a yardstick for valuing yourself as a human being.

I think any book that uses scientific evidence to show that you need to change the way you think and behave in order to overcome depression and social anxiety disorder is a welcome addition to any bookshelf.

You might have to find your own path to a happier, more fulfilling life, but there’s are plenty of helpful information on the web and on bookstore shelves to help you find the way.

Originally posted 2008-07-28 13:21:45. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

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Feeling moody? Maybe it’s the weather

[photo courtesy James Jordan]

The brain is a complicated muscle, but one we’re learning more about all the time. Most people aren’t adversely affected by the changes in the weather as summer draws to a close, whilst some feel moody, drained and depressed with the arrival of cold winds and gray skies.

In the news recently the results of research was announced that identified a biological reason why two million people in the UK suffer from seasonal affective disorder.

Scientists from the Centre of Addiction and Mental Health in Toronto, Canada, conducted brain scans of 88 adults. They discovered that those who experienced low moods and depression in winter had a higher level of a specific protein than those who were unaffected by seasonal changes.

It’s believed that the identified protein soaks up serotonin (feel good chemical) in the brain, causing an adverse effect on people’s mood. It’s long been known that depression is accompanied by low serotonin levels, so the research further emphasises how important a healthy mind and body are for your sense of well being.

With anxiety being such a complicated and deep rooted issue I’d suggest that other factors are probably at play along with the higher levels of a certain protein. However, the fact that scientists are now able to identify some of the biological reasons why the brain behaves in a certain way emphasises the strides being made in understanding anxiety in all its forms.

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Originally posted 2008-09-02 16:26:53. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

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New Study Highlights Benefits of Exercise for Helping Treat Social Anxiety

Yet again, studies and research have proven the how relaxation activities, such as yoga and work out exercises, help in the treatment of social anxiety. The research was published in the journal PLOS ONE and headed by Adam Heenan, a clinical psychology PHD candidate at Queens University in Canada. Heenan said that workout and relaxation exercises are able to change people’s perception of the world, thus reducing threatening and negative feelings.

The participants in the study were between the age of 17 to 29, which composed of both male and female. They give no information on their state of mental health at the time of the study and their level of social anxiety was solely assessed by some of the tests the Heenan’s given them.

The test asked participants to view a point-light display of a person walking and asked whether the figure was approaching them or not. A lot of them said that the figure was walking towards them. Heenan concluded that this was a sign of social anxiety and intimidation, with rates higher before their relaxation exercises than after.

“We found that people who either walked or jogged on a treadmill for 10 minutes perceived these ambiguous figures as facing towards them as the observer less often that those who simply stood on the treadmill,” says Heenan.

As a person who had suffered the stigma of social anxiety disorder motivating one’s self to do a simple exercise is a challenge itself. Everyday, I always promise myself to do an hour of jogging the next morning. But when I wake up the next day, I feel unenthusiastic and anxious that I might see my high school friends, an old crush or even my neighbor’s scrutinizing eyes. It’s hard to convince myself that it’s all good and that every uncomfortable thoughts were just in my head.

But when you manage to change those negative thoughts into positive ones then nothing is impossible. Any means of exercise is good for the body, soul and mind. When I started to take control of myself and took care of my health I found new goals and aspiration to live with.

Originally posted 2014-07-22 13:32:06. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

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What is Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and How Does it Help Reduce Social Anxiety Disorder?

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If you suffer from social anxiety disorder, social phobia or depression then you might think it’s other people or situations that make you feel nervous or unhappy. If people weren’t rude or stared at you then you wouldn’t need to feel miserable or anxious, right?

Well, extensive clinical studies (400+ in fact) have shown that it’s the unhelpful thoughts events provoke which make you feel uncomfortable, rather than purely the situations themselves.

Over the last fifty years, a number of clever people (Aaron Beck and Arnold Lazarus being two) put their heads together to make sense of why some people react differently to things than others.

As a result, cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) was born, which is a form of psychotherapy for changing negative thought patterns (cognitions) into healthier, positive ones.

CBT is a common sense, problem solving approach to discovering how to think and behave in a more objective, happier manner, and reduce uncomfortable feelings as a result.

You feel the way that you think

If you developed a negative outlook as a child (e.g. from being neglected, bullied or mistreated in some way) then you probably tend to view the world in a gloomy light. You might have grown up thinking that you’re worthless, other people are unfriendly and that only bad things will befall you.

Developing a negative outlook is what can cause anxiety or depression in adult life, because your ability to respond logically to situations is hampered by your unhappy childhood memories. Thinking negatively all the time means you only see the bad in people and situations, rather than responding to them objectively.

As a result, if people are rude to you or if you do something stupid or embarrassing then you probably mull over it for ages afterwards, and think it means your unacceptable or worthless in some way.

Changing the way you think will change how you feel

With depression the world’s biggest (and growing) mental health issue, it’s unsurprising that so many drug companies are offering ‘miracle cures’ in pill form.

However, studies have shown that medication alone can’t mend the deep rooted thoughts and feelings which are making you feel uncomfortable. Medication can only soften the symptoms.

In studies, CBT has proven to be more effective than medication on its own. So it’s no surprise that over the last couple of decades CBT has grown in popularity with therapists, doctors and psychologists because of its effectiveness in helping people to think, feel and behave in a healthier, more positive way.

In fact, a UK government advisor on happiness believes CBT could reduce unemployment by helping more people back into work.

Skills that can help you for life

When people with depression stop taking their medication they can start feeling miserable again almost immediately. CBT, however, teaches people how to challenge negative thought patterns and provides them with strategies for feeling better about themselves. In a way, CBT enables you to become your own therapist.

CBT can be practiced in a group, on your own through a self-help course or with a therapist. As well as practical exercises for discovering how to think more healthily, you’ll also receive guidance on additional strategies, such as the importance of exercise, how to be assertive and discovering how to be more active, which will help to reduce your symptoms.

Overcoming social anxiety disorder or depression won’t happen overnight. In fact, it can take months before you’ll find your new ways of thinking taking hold and improving how you feel.

However, the amount of research, clinical studies and popularity amongst mental health practitioners on the effectiveness of cognitive behavioural therapy means discovering it should be at the top of your list if you suffer from social anxiety, social phobia or depression.

Originally posted 2008-09-29 15:59:23. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

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15 Million Americans Estimated to Suffer from Social Anxiety

It looks as though my overcoming social anxiety disorder website is nearly up and running at just the right time based on the recent news headlines.

In the results of a survey, announced in Businessweek, it was discovered that potentially 15 million Americans could suffer from social anxiety, with it damaging their ability to live fulfilling social and romantic lives.

The fear of encountering hostility or rejection from other people means that millions of Americans are living isolated from their peers.

Some of the findings included:

• 36% suffer from social phobia for 10 years or more before getting help.


• Most started developing social problems in their early teens.


• Nearly 60% feel ashamed of their condition.


• 75% felt their social fears affected their ability to engage in everyday activities.

However, there is a glimmer of light shining between the clouds that are covering so many people’s lives in gloom because the survey also found that nearly 60% were able to build happy love lives after receiving treatment.

We no longer live in the dark ages when it comes to social anxiety – with all the research and clinical studies from the last 50 years providing in-depth understanding into how the condition can be treated.

A combination of cognitive behavioral therapy, relaxation techniques and antidepressant medication can enable people to shed the shackles of their social anxiety and live happy, fulfilling lives.

It’s just a shame that so many people take so long to get help and lose active years of their lives in the process.

Which is why I started this website – to spread awareness on CBT and enable more people to be able to build fulfilling relationships with others.

Originally posted 2008-04-16 22:32:04. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

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Think you’re lazy? Here’s how to be more active to combat social anxiety disorder

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One of the (many) problems with social anxiety disorder is that it can affect your motivation to get out there and do things. The fear of negative evaluation by others might mean you prefer the safety of your bed, rather than face (usually misinterpreted) stares of disapproval.

However, human beings by nature need to be stimulated. And avoiding activities will simply make you feel worse rather than better. Being isolated can make you feel depressed. So the best antidote to changing the way you feel is to change the way you think and behave.

If you lie in bed all day waiting for the motivation/desire/energy to do something then you’ll be waiting a longtime. Instead you’ll find that doing literally anything other than nothing will raise your mood, boost your confidence and give you the drive to be more active.

Why am I so lazy?

First of all, don’t make the mistake of ‘labelling’ yourself ‘lazy’. As a human being you’re too complicated to define yourself by a single word or phrases. You might be lazy ‘sometimes’. But that doesn’t mean you have some sort of genetic imprint that prevents you from getting dressed and doing stuff.

Here are a few of the common excuses (particularly if you suffer from social anxiety disorder) that might pop into your head to avoid getting stuff done:

• ‘I don’t feel like it’ – it’s a myth to think that you have to wait to ‘feel’ like doing something before you can do it. It’s only after experiencing the rewards of achieving something that you’ll find the motivation to do more. Even little things, like cooking yourself dinner rather than eating dry toast, will improve your mood because of the beneficial outcome from your activity.

• ‘I’m too depressed’ – you feel the way that you think. So if you lie in bed all day staring at the ceiling tormenting yourself over your latest (perceived) social faux pas then you’re not going to feel like going on a 10k bike ride. The best way of fighting your depression is to change the way you think. Being active and pursuing fulfilling goals, whether it’s teaching yourself Spanish or learning to cook, is what will banish the black clouds in the long run.

• ‘I might fail’ – So what? Nobody is good at everything. And we all have our strengths and weaknesses in life. Thinking you shouldn’t play tennis or attend a job interview because you might not get the outcome you want is only going to be a self fulfilling prophesy. To get better at things you have to practice. And there are enough hobbies, sports and jobs out there for you to find one you get satisfaction from.

Remember that thinking you must win at something or must get the job is a rigid way of looking at things. You should give yourself some flexibility and have preferences for the outcomes you’d like rather than rigid success/failure demands.

So how do I get myself out of bed and combat social anxiety disorder?

A tried and tested method of beating the bedridden blues is taught by Dr David Burns in ‘Feeling Good’. He suggests writing out a time table for what you’d like to get done each day.

This can include the minor things, such as getting dressed and reading the paper, right up to shopping or attending a dinner party. At the end of the day you then rate out of five the satisfaction you found in the completion of each task. The easier tasks might only rate as a one, but the more demanding challenges could rate as a four or five.

What you should find is that the sense of accomplishment you get from scoring your activity each day will drive you to do more. Having a schedule also helps you to structure your time and keep yourself occupied.

Gradually, you should also find that you start pushing yourself to keep improving your score and pursuing ever more demanding tasks.

The list of things you could do is limitless. But here are a few ideas:

• Learn a new musical instrument


• Learn a new language


• Read a book (I’d highly recommend ‘Feeling Good’)


• Take up jogging (exercise is a great anxiety reliever)


• Start an eBay shop for some extra cash


• Decorate your bedroom to create a bright, warm atmosphere


• Learn to cook spicy Thai dishes


• Start writing a blog (doing something creative is always recommended for providing an outlet for expressing your social anxiety disorder)


• Practice meditating (also recommended for anxiety treatment)

So, if you’re currently lying in bed, feeling glum and reading this on your laptop – start writing a list of all the active things you could be doing.

Remember that you feel the way that you think. So start giving yourself a daily dose of uplifting brainwaves from pursuing fulfilling goals, and banish the bedridden blues for good.

[Photo courtesy of SqueakyMarmot]

Originally posted 2008-06-26 18:38:10. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

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Why Negotiation is Like a Dance

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Following on from previous articles, in which I discussed assertiveness and how to say ‘no’, I’m now going to discuss why you should add negotiation to your growing list of skills. As with overcoming many of the symptoms of social anxiety, negotiation is about maintaining a balance between being fair to yourself and fair to others.

Learn how to change your steps

Social interaction is like an intricate dance. When people want you to think or behave in a certain way they’ll perform steps, using persuasive language and gestures, for you to follow.

If you suffer from social anxiety then you probably fall in the trap of either being too passive, and obediently following their lead, or too aggressive, and refusing to dance altogether.

Being too passive or aggressive are not helpful modes of behaviour. If you’re infected with the ‘disease to please’ then people will take you for granted and might push you around. Whilst getting mad makes it difficult to think and behave logically, hampering your ability to persuade people why they should respect your opinions and priorities.

Learning to negotiate is about learning to nimbly change your dance steps so that you can prompt others to change theirs and have more control over your interactions.

It’s not about winning or losing

Social anxiety is driven by thinking errors that result from low self esteem and negative thinking. One of the common thinking errors is ‘all or nothing’ in which you believe that you and others must behave in a certain way. So if you have a disagreement with someone and want them to change their mind you think that you must persuade them to meet your demands or they’ve won.

It’s a mistake to think that life is about winning or losing. This extreme, inflexible approach is unhelpful and unrealistic. Demanding that other people should always fit in with your priorities, such as agreeing to immediately perform a task for you at work or walk your dog when you’re on holiday, is only going to lead to stress and frustration when people don’t meet your unrealistic expectations.

Instead of making demands that people must fit in with what you want, you should offer some leeway and be prepared to negotiate.

Successful negotiation is about being fair to yourself and fair to others in finding a solution in which you can both, at least partially, get what you want. Finding a balanced agreement is the constructive approach, rather than getting angry or frustrated from thinking that you have to get the better of the other person.

Try asking work colleagues what other priorities they have to attend to before they can perform your task, or arrange to split the dog walking with another neighbour.

Negotiation is finding a solution in which you both gain

When you enter into negotiation, whether it’s with work colleagues or friends, don’t try to get what you want by being aggressive, manipulative or demanding. Instead approach it as an intricate dance in which you’re trying to influence the outcome, but are also prepared to change your own steps to compliment your partner.

Negotiation is about finding a solution in which you both can gain, rather than an ugly confrontation in which you must either win or lose.

Originally posted 2008-05-19 12:37:16. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

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Discover how you Can live a more fulfilling life free from social anxiety

If you suffer from social anxiety disorder, simple everyday activities, such as going to the shops or standing on a crowded bus, can seem daunting. Worrying about what other people think of you and if something bad will happen blights the lives of millions every day.

Thankfully, I learned to overcome my anxiety through learning more about the mental triggers and the underlying causes. I created this website to share what worked for me in the hope that it can help others overcome their social anxiety disorder (and without medication!) and live a happier, more fulfilled life free from the fear of strangers.

I’m guessing you arrived here whilst hunting for info on social anxiety disorder. Answers to questions like ‘Why does it happen to me?’, ‘Why do I feel afraid of people I don’t even know, am I crazy?’ and, most importantly, ‘What can I do about it?’.

The reason why I know this is because I did exactly the same thing myself a few years ago.

Social anxiety disorder had put a dark cloud over my life since my teenage years.

Simple everyday things, like catching a bus, walking around the shops or going out to meet friends, were a struggle because of overpowering feelings of nervousness, panic and fear over who I might meet or what might happen .

To combat the symptoms I used to ‘self medicate’ to get through social situations. But this just made me feel ten times worse later on.

Eventually my life reached a point where I had a simple choice – continue suffering in silence and simply coping day to day, or do something about it.

So off I went to see my doctor for advice on what I should do.

Unfortunately, as has happened to many people suffering from social anxiety disorder, I was swiftly prescribed a course of beta blockers to help ‘calm me down’.

Suffice to say this wasnt the answer I was looking for – unless you want to feel like a subdued, unemotional robot all day.

So I decided to look for some answers of my own.

Changing the Way You Think WILL Change the Way You Feel

It was while looking into the causes of anxiety that I started finding out about the more specific symptom of social anxiety disorder.

After reading through a number of books on the subject and blogs of other sufferers, I started to discover more about the condition – what causes it and what you can do to overcome it.

I then set about applying what I’d learned to my daily life and making changes to the way I thought about things, how I reacted to situations and making lifestyle changes so I became more active and raised my self esteem.

I wasnt cured overnight. But with practice and patience, the changes I made to how I thought about the people around me and how I reacted to social situations helped me to gradually reduce the fear, nervous thoughts and uncomfortable feelings of social anxiety disorder.

I can still feel anxious from time to time. But my social anxiety disorder is nowhere near the levels it was. It no longer stops me from going where I want to go or doing the things I want to do. And my life has vastly improved as a result.

Rather than being stuck at home, I’m now out living my life, taking part in activities like rock climbing and trekking, and I can even go out and meet friends without worrying what other people are thinking.

I created this website to help others struggling with social anxiety disorder by writing about the strategies and tactics that worked for me in the hope they can help other people as well.

Originally posted 2012-01-05 18:58:44. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

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UK School Kids Given Lessons on How to Be Happy

You feel the way that you think, and now UK school children are being taught how to think more positively to help them cope with the stresses of teenage life. Initially, 1500 11-year olds from 22 schools are being given lessons on how to assess situations objectively, how to be assertive and many other skills that can help them cope better with emotionally difficult situations. If the scheme is a success then it could be expanded into class rooms on a national scale.

The scheme uses lessons taught in the USA by the Penn Resiliency Program, based in Philadelphia, which adopts tried and tested cognitive behavioural therapy techniques to ‘detect inaccurate thoughts, to evaluate the accuracy of those thoughts, and to challenge negative beliefs by considering alternative interpretations’.

Teaching children cognitive behavioural therapy could help them avoid problems later on in life

Whilst some might remember their school days with fond memories, childhood can be a difficult period because of peer pressure, the desire to fit in and having to cope with all the struggles of teenage life.

Psychotherapists believe that it’s during childhood that you form your belief system: opinions on yourself, other people and the world around you. Upsetting childhood experiences, such as being neglected or bullied, can lead to problems later on in life because of the negative associations you attach to similar situations.

So equipping impressionable school children with the skills to identify inaccurate, unhelpful thoughts and then to replace them with healthier, happier ways of thinking could prove invaluable in helping them grow into secure, confident adults.

Treatment for anxiety and depression is a global issue

In a 2006 international survey UK children ranked bottom for happiness and well being. Some blame celebrity culture, with its focus on money and possessions, for giving children an unhelpful value system (although the problem is far more complicated than a single root cause). However, teaching them how to feel confident and secure, without needing the latest designer clobber or the approval of others, could be coming at just the right time.

Awareness on the effectiveness of cognitive behavioural therapy, for treating anxiety and depression, is spreading all the time. The UK’s ‘happiness tsar’ Professor Richard Layard even believes it could help people living on benefits to get back to work.

With depression the world’s biggest mental health problem, teaching more people cognitive behavioural therapy (whether self taught, with a therapist or in a group) could make a positive impact on not just on the lives of children but society in general.

Originally posted 2008-09-08 17:02:59. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

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How Deep Breathing Can Help Reduce Social Anxiety, Stress and Panic

Along with food and water, giving your body a supply of air is essential for maintaining your heath and well being. If you’re not breathing properly then this can cause imbalances in your blood and affect the way your body behaves.

Poor breathing can cause dizziness, shortness of breath and shaking, which are all too familiar symptoms if you suffer from anxiety or panic.

The key is to learn how to breathe deeply in a natural manner that fills your stomach and rib cage, as well as the top part of your chest, and it can be practiced using simple exercises throughout the day.

Why is breathing properly so important?

Breathing regulates the balance of oxygen and carbon dioxide in your blood. Too much oxygen can cause you to feel agitated and nervous, whilst too much carbon dioxide might calm you temporarily but it can make you feel light headed and distort your responses.

Instead you should practice being able to breath deeply and naturally so that your body can maintain a healthy balance of oxygen and carbon dioxide and behave healthily.

Deep breathing is practiced as part of Tai Chi, Yoga and other forms of meditation due to its effectiveness in helping you think and behave in a clear, healthy manner.

The benefits of breathing properly include:

• Release tension in your neck, chest and diaphragm


• Reduce anxiety and panic by having a healthier balance of oxygen and carbon dioxide in your blood so you can think and behave in a calmer, clearer manner


• Reduce build up of stress and tension throughout the day


• When practicing as part of a meditation exercise, breathing can divert your attention from stressful, unhelpful thoughts


• Exhaling for longer than you inhale will help you to relax

Why just take a deep breath is bad advice

We’ve all heard the advice to take a deep breath when we’re feeling stressed or anxious. However, the problem is that most people interpret this as taking rapid breaths, rather than deep, natural breathing that fills our stomach, as well as our upper chest.

Rapid breathing can simply imbalance the oxygen in your blood, causing you to feel more agitated and nervous. Deep natural breathing is slow and calm, rather than rapidly gulping down oxygen.

So how do I practice deep breathing?

Here are a few breathing exercises you can practice to train your body to keep a healthy balance of oxygen and carbon dioxide, as well as help to reduce stress, panic and anxiety:

Sigh Breath

Take a moderate breathe through your nose and then slowly exhale, prolonging your exhale for longer than your inhale.

As you exhale try and relax the muscles in your face and shoulders to release any built up tension.

When you next inhale, try and divert your attention to the sights and sounds around you without passing judgement on your thoughts but just letting them flow

This breathing technique works well with mindfulness meditation because it focuses your thoughts away from whatever stresses you’re feeling that day.

Sigh breathing can be practiced whenever you’ve got a spare minute or two throughout the day, and can help you learn to regulate your breathing.

Easy Breathing

• focus on only your breathing for 3-4 minutes.


• Ignore everything around you other than your breathing


• move your chest and diaphragm in harmony so that you’re breathing naturally, rather than forced


• concentrating on your breathing in this way will divert your thoughts from your anxiety and stress

4-7-8 Breathing

• inhale for four seconds, hold it in for seven seconds then slowly release your breath for eight seconds


• As you exhale release the anxiety , stress and tension from your muscles, shoulder and face


• this exercise helps you to exhale for longer than you inhale, which can help your body relax if you’re feeling nervous


• you could practice this at any time, whether on public transport, waiting in a cue or when you’re just at home to help calm your breathing

There are plenty of other breathing exercises you can practice which you can learn more about from books and other resources on the net.

Healthy breathing is an important part of coping with and reducing social anxiety, so try a few different breathing exercises to find which ones work best for you and in which situations.

Originally posted 2008-08-27 15:39:25. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

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Social Anxiety Associated with Parkinsons disease

Social Phobia is recurrent in people diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease. This is according to a recent study conducted at Erenkoy Research and Training Hospital for Neurologic and Psychiatric Disorders in Istanbul, Turkey. The study involved 80 patients diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease admitted to the Parkinson’s disease and Movement disorders Clinic. The result was that among the 80 patients 42.5% were diagnosed with social anxiety, of which 20 of the patients had depression, 18 had generalized anxiety disorder, and 6 patients had a panic disorder. A logistic regression analysis was also done and revealed that social phobia is more frequent in males with high Levodopa daily dosage, early-onset PD and the presence of postural instability.

Social Anxiety is more common in women who are twice as likely to suffer from social phobia and panic disorder compared with men, this is according to Harvard Health Publication. Men, however, are more prone to Parkinson’s disease than women, this was supported in American Journal of Epidemiology. Which is why it is baffling to know that social anxiety is more prevalent to male patients with Parkinson’s disease. Moreover, I have found out that there is a current issue of whether antiparkinsonian medications might be the one reason for some of the anxiety manifestation present in Parkinson’s disease patients. But of course these issues with antiparkinsonian medications have yet to be proven.

At the moment there is no present cure for Parkinson’s disease. Treatments are available to alleviate the symptoms and be able to maintain the quality of life with PD patients. The treatments include Physiotherapy, occupational therapy, speech and language therapy, medication and surgery. However, the researchers think that these current studies linking social anxiety with Parkinson’s disease may provide an edge for early detection and treatment of Parkinson’s disease and improving the quality of life of the patients.

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How Can I Do a Test for Social Anxiety Disorder?

Over the last few decades recognition of social anxiety disorder has grown rapidly. No longer is it seen as just a case of someone being over sensitive, too shy or introverted, but a recognised and diagnosable condition. But as with all anxiety disorders, it can be difficult to test for social phobia without clear guidance from a doctor or a psychiatrist.

It’s not like having a fever, when you can just check someone’s temperature or their physical symptoms. What’s more, social anxiety disorder can be a complex condition, with symptoms that can very in severity dramatically between individuals. Some people might just prefer to avoid going to parties and speaking in front of people they don’t know, while others might struggle to leave their house altogether due to the fear of negative stares.

Thankfully, a social anxiety disorder test was devised by Dr Michael R. Liebowitz, a psychiatrist and researcher at Columbia University, New York. First devised in 1987, his social anxiety disorder test continues to be the most widely used and recognised method of diagnosing the condition. Studies have shown it to be an efficient and cost effective way for people to test for social anxiety disorder so they can then progress towards beginning a process of treating the inaccurate, underlying thoughts that drive it.

What is the social anxiety disorder test?

The Liebowitz Social Anxiety Disorder Test consists of 24 questions designed to assess the scale at which social phobia affects your life based on an overall score of its severity. Thirteen of the questions focus on performance related anxiety, such as speaking on a phone in public or talking to someone in authority, while eleven deal with social situations, such as going to a party or speaking in a meeting.

After completing all the questions you are then given a score out of 144. If your score is high, and you are classified in the more severe categories, the important thing is to not feel down and depressed. The fact is that, as with all diagnosable conditions, social anxiety disorder can be treated.

With a diagnosis comes treatment

If you think you might be suffering from social anxiety disorder, the wisest thing to do is to visit a medical professional, whether it’s a doctor or a psychotherapist. They can give you a professional diagnosis along with advice on the best course of action to reduce your symptoms to the level where social anxiety disorder no longer gets in the way of living a fulfilling life.

If your social anxiety is fairly mild, it could be that all you may need to do is to start making some lifestyle changes, such as taking up new hobbies that give you a sense of achievement and boost your esteem as well as provide you with healthier interactions with other people. In more severe cases, where social anxiety disorder is causing you to feel depressed and is adversely affecting your life, then seeing a cognitive behavioural therapist along with a course of medication might be advisable.

So it’s wise to consult a medical professional, whether it’s a doctor or a psychiatrist, for a diagnosis and advice if your anxious thoughts and feelings are getting in the way of your ability to enjoy a happy, fulfilling life.

Originally posted 2013-06-04 14:19:53. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

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New Study Highlights Benefits of Exercise for Helping Treat Social Anxiety

Yet again, studies and research have proven the how relaxation activities, such as yoga and work out exercises, help in the treatment of social anxiety. The research was published in the journal PLOS ONE and headed by Adam Heenan, a clinical psychology PHD candidate at Queens University in Canada. Heenan said that workout and relaxation exercises are able to change people’s perception of the world, thus reducing threatening and negative feelings.

The participants in the study were between the age of 17 to 29, which composed of both male and female. They give no information on their state of mental health at the time of the study and their level of social anxiety was solely assessed by some of the tests the Heenan’s given them.

The test asked participants to view a point-light display of a person walking and asked whether the figure was approaching them or not. A lot of them said that the figure was walking towards them. Heenan concluded that this was a sign of social anxiety and intimidation, with rates higher before their relaxation exercises than after.

“We found that people who either walked or jogged on a treadmill for 10 minutes perceived these ambiguous figures as facing towards them as the observer less often that those who simply stood on the treadmill,” says Heenan.

As a person who had suffered the stigma of social anxiety disorder motivating one’s self to do a simple exercise is a challenge itself. Everyday, I always promise myself to do an hour of jogging the next morning. But when I wake up the next day, I feel unenthusiastic and anxious that I might see my high school friends, an old crush or even my neighbor’s scrutinizing eyes. It’s hard to convince myself that it’s all good and that every uncomfortable thoughts were just in my head.

But when you manage to change those negative thoughts into positive ones then nothing is impossible. Any means of exercise is good for the body, soul and mind. When I started to take control of myself and took care of my health I found new goals and aspiration to live with.

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Study finds that jogging in parks twice as good as the gym for reducing social anxiety and mild depression

If you suffer from social anxiety then the idea of jogging around a park might seem daunting. But I’ve always highly recommended that regular exercise should be a key component of your strategy to overcoming social anxiety. It gets you out of the house and regular exercise of at least 30 minutes every day will release endorphins, which are the body’s natural feel good chemicals that can banish the negative thoughts driving your social anxiety in the first place.

And it appears that doctors would tend to agree with me. A Glasgow University survey found that jogging around a park is twice as effective at improving your mental health and sense of well being then exercising in a gym. After all, who wants to spend 30 minutes looking at the wall or watching MTV when you can be enjoying the visual sounds and smells of mother nature.

You can read more about the survey in this article in the Daily Telegraph, which also goes on to explain how exercise is recommended for treating symptoms like mild depression, insomnia, high stress and just anxious feelings that you arent able to cope.

I believe that starting to exercise every day was one of the vital keys to how I overcame social anxiety. I started off jogging and now go trekking (or bouldering to be exact), rock climbing, play football and go to the gym. So dont be afraid of starting off your exercise routine small and then building it up as you go along your path towards overcoming social anxiety for good.

Originally posted 2012-06-20 18:04:58. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

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Stanford Study finds the ‘Fear Center’ in Children that May Contribute to Social Anxiety as they Grow Up

Living in fear and excessive self consciousness is no way to live. Especially if you are just a kid. It’s hard to go through life and achieve your dreams if you were always anxious and calculated in every decision you make. Children are like delicate flowers that can easily be swayed and blown away by the force of nature. They tend to grow into their fears and not outgrow out of them.

Anxiety is a common mental health problem affecting many children and adolescents today. But the good thing is, it is a treatable condition. A new study from the Researchers at Stanford University School of Medicine says that kids with anxieties, like social anxiety, have larger amygdale or what’s better known as “fear center” – a set of neurons located deeply in the brain’s medial temporal lobe. They have conducted the research involving 76 children among the ages of seven and nine years old, a period where the researchers can accurately identify the anxiety levels of the children.

But some agencies and organizations are skeptical about the cause and effect of the new study. However, this is good news for parents who have children who suffer from excessive fears and anxiety. The study may be a breakthrough for identifying in advance social anxiety disorder risks for children.

I for one have my own fair share of anxieties as a kid. I know people who have dealt with social anxieties growing up and most of them were saying that if only they have open up more to their parents as a child. They could have spared the burden of what social anxiety have cost their lives all throughout adolescence and adulthood. As parents, we should be the one responsible in giving our children the quality of life they deserve. We should be in more careful watch of our children’s behavior and how they respond to those around them. Identifying the symptoms of anxiety as early as possible and finding effective treatments is always the best way to give your children a full and happy life.

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Smiling Better than Prozac for Overcoming Depression and Social Anxiety Disorder

[Photo courtesy of Ferdinand Reus]

Since embarking on my voyage into understanding what causes social anxiety disorder and its effects rarely a week passes without hearing news on how it can be treated. From everything I’ve heard I believe that popping ‘happy pills’, such as Prozac, on their own are not the answer. Drugs can help cushion some of social anxiety and depression’s harsher symptoms, but you have to change the way you think and behave for long term recovery.

In the UK’s national news today the findings of research by Professor Jane Plant and Janet Stephenson (National Health Service psychologist) were announced, which are described in their new book: ‘Beating Stress, Anxiety and Depression’.

With 2.4 million Brits estimated to suffer from anxiety and one in six expected to experience depression at some stage, the two experts’ constructive suggestions, based on scientific evidence, have been well received.

Their advice is to change your diet, behaviour and appearance to improve your self esteem and sense of well being. Relying on a prescription from the doctor alone to solve your problem is not the answer (although a visit is always recommended on your road to recovery).

Their suggestions include:

• Smile – even if you feel the weight of anxiety pushing down on you, at least appearing happier and more approachable will improve how people respond to you. This in turn can help lift your mood and improve how you interact with others.


• Eat fish packed with omega-3 fatty acids for breakfast and porridge at night to help you sleep.


• Make lifestyle changes to be more active such as going out dancing (any form of regular exercise is highly recommended if not essential)


• Treat yourself to a new hairstyle or clothes to improve your self confidence (I’d suggest this is more of a temporary measure and relying on ‘retail therapy’ to improve your mood poses its own risks)


• Avoid living a materialistic lifestyle or getting sucked into celebrity culture – everybody has their strengths and weaknesses and you shouldn’t regard touched up images and glamorised lifestyles as a yardstick for valuing yourself as a human being.

I think any book that uses scientific evidence to show that you need to change the way you think and behave in order to overcome depression and social anxiety disorder is a welcome addition to any bookshelf.

You might have to find your own path to a happier, more fulfilling life, but there’s are plenty of helpful information on the web and on bookstore shelves to help you find the way.

Originally posted 2008-07-28 13:21:45. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

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What is Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and How Does it Help Reduce Social Anxiety Disorder?

[Photo courtesy of kalandrakas]

If you suffer from social anxiety disorder, social phobia or depression then you might think it’s other people or situations that make you feel nervous or unhappy. If people weren’t rude or stared at you then you wouldn’t need to feel miserable or anxious, right?

Well, extensive clinical studies (400+ in fact) have shown that it’s the unhelpful thoughts events provoke which make you feel uncomfortable, rather than purely the situations themselves.

Over the last fifty years, a number of clever people (Aaron Beck and Arnold Lazarus being two) put their heads together to make sense of why some people react differently to things than others.

As a result, cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) was born, which is a form of psychotherapy for changing negative thought patterns (cognitions) into healthier, positive ones.

CBT is a common sense, problem solving approach to discovering how to think and behave in a more objective, happier manner, and reduce uncomfortable feelings as a result.

You feel the way that you think

If you developed a negative outlook as a child (e.g. from being neglected, bullied or mistreated in some way) then you probably tend to view the world in a gloomy light. You might have grown up thinking that you’re worthless, other people are unfriendly and that only bad things will befall you.

Developing a negative outlook is what can cause anxiety or depression in adult life, because your ability to respond logically to situations is hampered by your unhappy childhood memories. Thinking negatively all the time means you only see the bad in people and situations, rather than responding to them objectively.

As a result, if people are rude to you or if you do something stupid or embarrassing then you probably mull over it for ages afterwards, and think it means your unacceptable or worthless in some way.

Changing the way you think will change how you feel

With depression the world’s biggest (and growing) mental health issue, it’s unsurprising that so many drug companies are offering ‘miracle cures’ in pill form.

However, studies have shown that medication alone can’t mend the deep rooted thoughts and feelings which are making you feel uncomfortable. Medication can only soften the symptoms.

In studies, CBT has proven to be more effective than medication on its own. So it’s no surprise that over the last couple of decades CBT has grown in popularity with therapists, doctors and psychologists because of its effectiveness in helping people to think, feel and behave in a healthier, more positive way.

In fact, a UK government advisor on happiness believes CBT could reduce unemployment by helping more people back into work.

Skills that can help you for life

When people with depression stop taking their medication they can start feeling miserable again almost immediately. CBT, however, teaches people how to challenge negative thought patterns and provides them with strategies for feeling better about themselves. In a way, CBT enables you to become your own therapist.

CBT can be practiced in a group, on your own through a self-help course or with a therapist. As well as practical exercises for discovering how to think more healthily, you’ll also receive guidance on additional strategies, such as the importance of exercise, how to be assertive and discovering how to be more active, which will help to reduce your symptoms.

Overcoming social anxiety disorder or depression won’t happen overnight. In fact, it can take months before you’ll find your new ways of thinking taking hold and improving how you feel.

However, the amount of research, clinical studies and popularity amongst mental health practitioners on the effectiveness of cognitive behavioural therapy means discovering it should be at the top of your list if you suffer from social anxiety, social phobia or depression.

Originally posted 2008-09-29 15:59:23. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

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Coping with Criticism if You Suffer from Socially Anxiety Disorder

Social anxiety disorder is rooted in the chronic fear of being negatively judged or insulted. If you’re suffering from the low self esteem that partners social phobia then criticism always seems spiteful and upsetting because it triggers your self punishing, painful thoughts.

However, there shouldn’t be any reason for you to live in chronic fear of barbed comments if you can teach yourself how to respond objectively, and even be able to disarm insults like a master swordsman when they occur.

The isolation brought upon by social anxiety is normally partnered by depression and low self esteem. When you’re feeling rotten and worthless your thought patterns and emotions are shrouded in gloom by the black clouds that follow you around. This means that whenever anybody says anything degrading you’re likely to exaggerate its significance, take it to heart and incorrectly think it means you’re a worthless person.

How cognitive behavioural therapy can help

Thinking negatively and exaggerating the significance of the things people say is a thinking error brought upon by your depression, which prevents you from interpreting what people say in a realistic, objective manner.

Cognitive behavioural therapy teaches you how to identify the negative beliefs and thinking errors that make you get upset whenever you’re criticised. You can then learn to recognise unhelpful thinking errors when they occur and replace them with more positive, realistic thoughts.

This obviously sounds a lot easier said than done, and it can take many months to start changing the way you automatically think and feel. However, it has been clinically proven that it can be done, and CBT provides you with a goal orientated framework for overcoming your social anxiety a step at a time.

Once you’re able to assess the things people say more objectively you’ll then be able to apply a more logical approach to criticism and not take it so personally.

Learn how to interpret comments objectively

If there is an element of truth to someone’s comments then you should use it as an opportunity to learn about your mistakes and how you can correct your behaviour. You’re only human after all and will always make mistakes from time to time. And because you’re human you also constantly developing, so criticism can sometimes give you a few pointers to show you how to grow as a person.

On the other hand, if after assessing criticism objectively you think somebody is just being rude or insulting then their comments shouldn’t have the power to upset you. Why should you feel hurt or devalued because of somebody else’s mistake in judgement?

Remember that it’s not the things people say that can make you feel upset – it’s how you interpret them.

How to handle insults

In Dr David D. Burns’ ‘Feeling Good’ (a global bestseller which has shifted over three million copies) he teaches an ‘empathy and disarming’ technique for responding to insults without hurling them back or running home to hide under your bed covers.

Firstly, you have to emphasise with your attacker – objectively assess why they are attacking you. What is the basis for their barbed comments?

By listening and asking for clarification on why they are being insulting, you can calm them down by letting them know that you are listening and can prevent the situation escalating into full scale warfare.

Using empathy is an opportunity to understand if there is any basis to the insults, or if the attacker is just being offensive.

The next stage is to use the ‘disarming technique’ to defuse the situation without losing your temper or losing face. Simply find a way to agree with an aspect of what your attacker is saying, whether you believe it or not, and that way you can disarm their barbed thrusts with the skill of musketeer:

Attacker: ‘You’re a loser.”

You: “Well, I certainly make mistakes sometimes and I’m not the greatest sportsman. There’s certainly areas in which I could improve, but doesn’t everybody.”

Attacker: “You’re a skinny, stupid waster with nothing to offer anybody.”

You: “Yes I could certainly do with putting on some weight, I’m not going to be the world’s next Einstein and I could certainly apply myself better. But I have skills in other areas, just as everybody does, and I have lots to offer the people around me.”

By agreeing, if only partially, with their line of attack you simply take the air out of their sails and divert them from the collision course you’d be heading for if you were to fight fire with fire.

You feel the way that you think, so learn to change your negative thoughts

Being able to identify your positive attributes, rather than kick yourself over your weaknesses, is another skill taught by cognitive behavioural therapy, and is useful in being able to respond objectively to criticism and not take what people say to heart.

The key is to be able to react based on facts, rather than let disagreements deteriorate into name calling or a humiliating retreat.

With practice in learning how to respond in a more realistic, objective manner, you’ll find that the risk of criticism will no longer seem so terrifying, and your social anxiety will recede as a result.

Photo courtesy of Nika

Originally posted 2008-04-21 15:23:28. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

Coping with Criticism if You Suffer from Socially Anxiety Disorder is a post from: How You Can Overcome Social Anxiety Disorder

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15 Million Americans Estimated to Suffer from Social Anxiety

It looks as though my overcoming social anxiety disorder website is nearly up and running at just the right time based on the recent news headlines.

In the results of a survey, announced in Businessweek, it was discovered that potentially 15 million Americans could suffer from social anxiety, with it damaging their ability to live fulfilling social and romantic lives.

The fear of encountering hostility or rejection from other people means that millions of Americans are living isolated from their peers.

Some of the findings included:

• 36% suffer from social phobia for 10 years or more before getting help.


• Most started developing social problems in their early teens.


• Nearly 60% feel ashamed of their condition.


• 75% felt their social fears affected their ability to engage in everyday activities.

However, there is a glimmer of light shining between the clouds that are covering so many people’s lives in gloom because the survey also found that nearly 60% were able to build happy love lives after receiving treatment.

We no longer live in the dark ages when it comes to social anxiety – with all the research and clinical studies from the last 50 years providing in-depth understanding into how the condition can be treated.

A combination of cognitive behavioral therapy, relaxation techniques and antidepressant medication can enable people to shed the shackles of their social anxiety and live happy, fulfilling lives.

It’s just a shame that so many people take so long to get help and lose active years of their lives in the process.

Which is why I started this website – to spread awareness on CBT and enable more people to be able to build fulfilling relationships with others.

Originally posted 2008-04-16 22:32:04. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

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Why Negotiation is Like a Dance

[Picture courtesy of a4gpa]

Following on from previous articles, in which I discussed assertiveness and how to say ‘no’, I’m now going to discuss why you should add negotiation to your growing list of skills. As with overcoming many of the symptoms of social anxiety, negotiation is about maintaining a balance between being fair to yourself and fair to others.

Learn how to change your steps

Social interaction is like an intricate dance. When people want you to think or behave in a certain way they’ll perform steps, using persuasive language and gestures, for you to follow.

If you suffer from social anxiety then you probably fall in the trap of either being too passive, and obediently following their lead, or too aggressive, and refusing to dance altogether.

Being too passive or aggressive are not helpful modes of behaviour. If you’re infected with the ‘disease to please’ then people will take you for granted and might push you around. Whilst getting mad makes it difficult to think and behave logically, hampering your ability to persuade people why they should respect your opinions and priorities.

Learning to negotiate is about learning to nimbly change your dance steps so that you can prompt others to change theirs and have more control over your interactions.

It’s not about winning or losing

Social anxiety is driven by thinking errors that result from low self esteem and negative thinking. One of the common thinking errors is ‘all or nothing’ in which you believe that you and others must behave in a certain way. So if you have a disagreement with someone and want them to change their mind you think that you must persuade them to meet your demands or they’ve won.

It’s a mistake to think that life is about winning or losing. This extreme, inflexible approach is unhelpful and unrealistic. Demanding that other people should always fit in with your priorities, such as agreeing to immediately perform a task for you at work or walk your dog when you’re on holiday, is only going to lead to stress and frustration when people don’t meet your unrealistic expectations.

Instead of making demands that people must fit in with what you want, you should offer some leeway and be prepared to negotiate.

Successful negotiation is about being fair to yourself and fair to others in finding a solution in which you can both, at least partially, get what you want. Finding a balanced agreement is the constructive approach, rather than getting angry or frustrated from thinking that you have to get the better of the other person.

Try asking work colleagues what other priorities they have to attend to before they can perform your task, or arrange to split the dog walking with another neighbour.

Negotiation is finding a solution in which you both gain

When you enter into negotiation, whether it’s with work colleagues or friends, don’t try to get what you want by being aggressive, manipulative or demanding. Instead approach it as an intricate dance in which you’re trying to influence the outcome, but are also prepared to change your own steps to compliment your partner.

Negotiation is about finding a solution in which you both can gain, rather than an ugly confrontation in which you must either win or lose.

Originally posted 2008-05-19 12:37:16. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

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