Why Negotiation is Like a Dance

[Picture courtesy of a4gpa]

Following on from previous articles, in which I discussed assertiveness and how to say ‘no’, I’m now going to discuss why you should add negotiation to your growing list of skills. As with overcoming many of the symptoms of social anxiety, negotiation is about maintaining a balance between being fair to yourself and fair to others.

Learn how to change your steps

Social interaction is like an intricate dance. When people want you to think or behave in a certain way they’ll perform steps, using persuasive language and gestures, for you to follow.

If you suffer from social anxiety then you probably fall in the trap of either being too passive, and obediently following their lead, or too aggressive, and refusing to dance altogether.

Being too passive or aggressive are not helpful modes of behaviour. If you’re infected with the ‘disease to please’ then people will take you for granted and might push you around. Whilst getting mad makes it difficult to think and behave logically, hampering your ability to persuade people why they should respect your opinions and priorities.

Learning to negotiate is about learning to nimbly change your dance steps so that you can prompt others to change theirs and have more control over your interactions.

It’s not about winning or losing

Social anxiety is driven by thinking errors that result from low self esteem and negative thinking. One of the common thinking errors is ‘all or nothing’ in which you believe that you and others must behave in a certain way. So if you have a disagreement with someone and want them to change their mind you think that you must persuade them to meet your demands or they’ve won.

It’s a mistake to think that life is about winning or losing. This extreme, inflexible approach is unhelpful and unrealistic. Demanding that other people should always fit in with your priorities, such as agreeing to immediately perform a task for you at work or walk your dog when you’re on holiday, is only going to lead to stress and frustration when people don’t meet your unrealistic expectations.

Instead of making demands that people must fit in with what you want, you should offer some leeway and be prepared to negotiate.

Successful negotiation is about being fair to yourself and fair to others in finding a solution in which you can both, at least partially, get what you want. Finding a balanced agreement is the constructive approach, rather than getting angry or frustrated from thinking that you have to get the better of the other person.

Try asking work colleagues what other priorities they have to attend to before they can perform your task, or arrange to split the dog walking with another neighbour.

Negotiation is finding a solution in which you both gain

When you enter into negotiation, whether it’s with work colleagues or friends, don’t try to get what you want by being aggressive, manipulative or demanding. Instead approach it as an intricate dance in which you’re trying to influence the outcome, but are also prepared to change your own steps to compliment your partner.

Negotiation is about finding a solution in which you both can gain, rather than an ugly confrontation in which you must either win or lose.

Originally posted 2008-05-19 12:37:16. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

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Top 5 Best Meditation Apps for Reducing Social Anxiety

From A-list celebrities to yoga mommies to top executives, all sort of people now use mediation to reduce their stress and anxiety. Meditation has ancient traditions, believed to have been first practiced by the Buddhist monks in Thailand as a path toward enlightenment and Nirvana. It helps to clear the mind and recognise troubling thoughts as merely passing traffic or leaves in the wind. For this reason, mindfulness meditation is highly recommended therapy for people who are suffering from social anxiety disorder, just like me.

It’s become easier than ever to try meditation with lots of new meditation apps you can download onto your smartphone or tablet, so you can help relax your mind and work towards reducing your social anxiety in a spare 10 minutes during the day.

If you’ve never tried it before, here’s my list of the top 5 best meditation apps that I personally recommend for reducing social anxiety disorder:

1. Relax Melodies

This app is great you’re suffering from a bout of insomnia. It lets you customize your own sleep soundtrack and save it for future use. The images, scenery of nature and breathtaking landscapes that the app provides will help you calm your brain and drift you off into slumber. The soothing sounds from the Relax Melodies app will gently lull you to sleep. Best to listen with good headphones or speakers, no interruption whatsoever from your surroundings and it would just take 10 minutes where your mind turns into meditative state.

2. Buddhist Meditation Trainer

The app is designed to serve as your daily reminder and to help you remain accountable to your meditation practice. It is definitely great if you want a moment of peace and take a few minutes of time out from your busy day. This app is your personal trainer for relaxing and enlightening meditation. It features 10 levels of enlightenment with deeper quotes to meditate on in every level.

3. Simply Being

The app is a meditation guide that will help you to stay on your present state, pushing those unwanted thoughts out of your mind through a calming voice from the app which will guide through your meditation session and help you find calm more quickly. You can select from 5 up to 20 minutes of meditation time. Simply Being App is simple, effective and quick to start. This is really helpful for those suffering wild mild panic attacks at night.

4. The Mindfulness App

Like Simply Being, this meditation apps is a straightforward and simple guided meditation sessions which can span from 3 to 30 minutes. Combined with modern technology and the ancient wisdom of mindfulness to get in contact of ourselves. Rather than letting your smartphones as a source of interruption or disruption in our lives. The mindfulness app converts your phone into an oasis of presents and tranquility.

5. Breathe2Relax

This is like a portable stress management device which caters detailed information on the effects of stress on the body as well as instructions and practice exercises. This is a great tool for professionals who are under a lot of stress at work and slow things down. If you are having a bad day at work, school or wherever let the Breathe2Relax app guide you through breathing sessions. You will find a better mood after a few minutes of simply following its instructions.

So if you’ve never tried mediation to reduce your social anxiety, I highly recommend downloading one of these to 5 best meditation apps and giving it a go. There are also lots of meditation videos on YouTube with soothing music, like this one…

Originally posted 2014-09-10 23:03:44. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

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New Computer Program Treats Reliance on Alcohol for Reducing Social Anxiety

 

A group of researchers at the University Of Cincinnati (UC) are now developing a computer program that can help people to develop some healthy mental habits to reduce their reliance on alcohol for treating social anxiety.  Joshua Magee, PhD, the research assistant professor in the Department of Family and Community Medicine, says that the Attention Modification Program (AMP) is aimed to change what individuals with social anxiety and problem drinking focus their attention under normal circumstances. Magee added that, the way people pay attention to things in their environment is important for both causing and maintaining social anxiety and alcoholism. Both social anxiety and alcohol attention patterns are a part of a certain chain that can lead to complications.

In my own personal experience, as someone who had suffered social anxiety ever since I can remember, I always felt uncomfortable in social gatherings, I want to disappear or dig a hole to where I am standing and to be teleported to somewhere I can be alone. But when there are wines or any alcoholic drink I tend to purposely get myself extra drunk just to conceal or cloak my awkward shyness. This way, I don’t really think that much of any uncomfortable thoughts and appear extra confident. I tend to be over talkative and just blabber about anything without even analyzing my thoughts.

Shifting to alcohol when you are caught under awkward social situations is fine at first, but what happen when you make it a habit? According to Dr. Magee, the Attention Modification Program aims to be an effective method for reducing social anxiety and drinking that can translate out into community settings. It would give people an inexpensive way to reduce the symptoms that is less dependent on a doctor’s prescriptions and could be done at home.

 

 

 

Originally posted 2014-07-13 17:19:54. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

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Smiling Better than Prozac for Overcoming Depression and Social Anxiety Disorder

 

Since embarking on my voyage into understanding what causes social anxiety disorder and its effects rarely a week passes without hearing news on how it can be treated. From everything I’ve heard I believe that popping ‘happy pills’, such as Prozac, on their own are not the answer. Drugs can help cushion some of social anxiety and depression’s harsher symptoms, but you have to change the way you think and behave for long term recovery.

In the UK’s national news today the findings of research by Professor Jane Plant and Janet Stephenson (National Health Service psychologist) were announced, which are described in their new book: ‘Beating Stress, Anxiety and Depression’.

With 2.4 million Brits estimated to suffer from anxiety and one in six expected to experience depression at some stage, the two experts’ constructive suggestions, based on scientific evidence, have been well received.

Their advice is to change your diet, behaviour and appearance to improve your self esteem and sense of well being. Relying on a prescription from the doctor alone to solve your problem is not the answer (although a visit is always recommended on your road to recovery).

Their suggestions include:

• Smile – even if you feel the weight of anxiety pushing down on you, at least appearing happier and more approachable will improve how people respond to you. This in turn can help lift your mood and improve how you interact with others.
• Eat fish packed with omega-3 fatty acids for breakfast and porridge at night to help you sleep.
• Make lifestyle changes to be more active such as going out dancing (any form of regular exercise is highly recommended if not essential)
• Treat yourself to a new hairstyle or clothes to improve your self confidence (I’d suggest this is more of a temporary measure and relying on ‘retail therapy’ to improve your mood poses its own risks)
• Avoid living a materialistic lifestyle or getting sucked into celebrity culture – everybody has their strengths and weaknesses and you shouldn’t regard touched up images and glamorised lifestyles as a yardstick for valuing yourself as a human being.

I think any book that uses scientific evidence to show that you need to change the way you think and behave in order to overcome depression and social anxiety disorder is a welcome addition to any bookshelf.

You might have to find your own path to a happier, more fulfilling life, but there’s are plenty of helpful information on the web and on bookstore shelves to help you find the way.

Originally posted 2008-07-28 13:21:45. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

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